Two Journey`s

So why this story!  
This journey has been a cathartic experience, offering an opportunity to lay some ghosts and unresolved issues to rest, pun not intended!
For years, I was plagued by a persistent thought: the sense that something vital was absent, something crucial I needed to rediscover. It would act as the missing piece of the puzzle!

Jim Kingston. POW. No.12877. Poland. June 8 1940 - April 13. 1945.
This story/journey began after the death of my Father and the research into his wartime history. (Which eventually led to these life changing images and a new personal direction).
He was conscripted into the 2nd Battalion of the Hampshire regiment in 1940. He was captured by the Germans on 8th June 1940 at Ruoen in France. Of the 340.ooo British soldiers that went to France and were rescued by (Operation Dynamo.)  some 40,000 British Troops were left behind and went into Captivity. His group was force marched 350 miles over a 3 week period to Trier in Belgium. With little food and water during the hot summer of June 1945, it was a challenge but nothing to compare with the forced march out of German occupied  Poland in the winter of January 1945!

From Trier they were crammed into cattle trucks, similar to the ones that Jewish families and civilians were transported to the Nazi concentration camps.  Marked 8 horses or 40 men, up to 60 men were locked in. They endured a harrowing 700-mile journey over three days and nights, uncertain of their destination. 
During the trip soldiers had to defecate in their tin helmets and boots then throw it through the small slats in the carriage.Those closest to the slats were showered with the excrement. They sat and slept in the same position throughout the journey. 

Apart from the occasional stale loaves thrown into the wagons, there was no food, and drinking water was in short supply. By the time they arrived at their destination men were suffering from dysentery, lice, exhaustion and i would assume complete dejection.
When the carriage doors were opened they discovered they were at a  prisoner of war camp in  Poland.
He spent the following four and a half years working near the IG Farben oil complex in Upper Silesia, which provided fuel for the German war machine. Working/laboring in building gangs, which can only be described as slave labour working under supervision and armed guard, assisting the German war effort.
The I G Farben site was a prime target for British and American Air Force bombing attacks, which occured twice weekly on Tuesday and Friday from June to December 1944. The living and working conditions in the camps are well documented. 

                                              
The long  march to Freedom. (Eleven long weeks, 82 days marching over 1000 miles, with men dying and being buried along the route.)

On 21 January 1945, as the Russian army advanced from the East, camps were evacuated with only a moment's notice. The men were ill-prepared and poorly equipped for the harsh conditions they were about to endure. January 1945 was one of the coldest winters on record with temperatures reaching -25c. Men were allowed to carry personal belongings from their time in captivity but most of those possessions were discarded along the route.  Rations received from the Germans  were 4 potatoes a day nothing else no bread or anything. (tbc).  Around  600 men left the camps at XXA the first deaths occurred at the end of January !  after 8 weeks, 250 were left. Many died on the Hammerstein plain during a blizzard, my father said  they just had to leave the dead soldiers there in the snow and move on. Other men left the group to take their chances but probably perished due to the sever conditions.  It is on record there were 30 recorded deaths and burials on that march, men died from a combination of frost bite, malnutrition, exhaustion, Dysentery, heart attack, and some shot or beaten to death by the German guards. It was on record that they were instructed to shoot any soldiers considered to be malingerers. 

The I G Farben Complex site was just a few miles from a Auschwitz Sub Camp and he recalled to me seeing Jewish prisoners of war walking along the road in a terrible  condition and said there was nothing he could do to help them! I think images like that played on his mind after the war. In all  my Fathers march ended on the 13 April 1945  when his group met up with the American Army. Firstly i still find it difficult comprehend how men endured and survived 11 weeks (82 days) marching over 1,000 mile while  under German guard, with limited rations, inadequate clothing and shelter.

The history of the marches out of Poland has not received the full recognition and significance that that they warrant. Soldiers were forgotten and never given the opportunity to tell their story. I needed to understand the difficulties my father endured during and after his war time experiences. My mother mentioned that he had told her that one day he would tell me about his experience, he never did, that was one missing piece of the Jigsaw. Had he done so i would have had a much easier ride? 

On there return to England many  men were able to lead normal lives! Others were deeply effected by there experiences, my Father included. I think his experience compartmentalized his emotions stripping away his ability and freedom to enjoy himself, that word again! Some times he would tell a joke and just before the punch line he would laugh uncontrollably with tears in his eye`s and seamlessly the laughter would turn to sadness and he would stop abruptly and be quiet. Was it survivor's guilt, repressed anger, or simply an understanding of the losses and the futility of it all? It's really sad when I think about it now. My father harbored no resentment towards the German people; he recognized that they, too, were victims. This was a testament to his wisdom. Aren't we all, in some way, victims of war?

Yet, his anger stemmed from the injustices they suffered and his inability to share his story. He carried that burden for the rest of his life, which I think was the problem.There were moments when his suppressed anger or frustration would overwhelm him in response to trivial remarks that normal! people would overlook without a second thought. He would then retreat into his own space, seeking solitude and privacy.I have come to recognize what those triggers were.(tbc). So as a family we were more often than not walking on egg shells so as not to upset that delicate balance! My mother would say, give him a couple of days and he will calm down and be o.k. She understood what he had gone through, she stood by him and cared for him without judgement, isolating him from all stressful situations. Had he been an alcoholic or gambler, we might have been able to help him, but his condition was that silent killer of a person's psyche: the inability and lack of opportunity to share their story. He became socially isolated, with no friends or hobbies. I never had what one might consider a normal, enjoyable conversation with him.I believe that had a negative impact on me, although I was not aware of it at the time while others were, this distinction proved to be very important in the subsequent years to come!

On December 15 1945, my father was discharged from the Army as medically unfit. A British POW, who was the senior officer on the march, "Staff Sargent Thomas Aitken" made a sworn affidavit as to the terrible conditions on the march. On the strength of his affidavit the Senior German officer leading the march "Hauptmann Willie Mackensen" was tried, found guilty of war crimes and was hanged at Hamelin prison, Germany on the 8/3/1946. The full affidavit describing the conditions, including the time of death, causes, and places of burial along the route of each individual soldier is available on line. (I have now attached the Affidavit!) Last section.

Betrayal!

Read their Story.                                                  
During the last years of their lives, my parents were aware that they were being betrayed by two family members, a betrayal that affected them deeply casting a shadow over their last years.
My mother passed away before him. He had then lost the decision maker, his support and  the only person with whom he could confide, who truly understood everything he had endured. (to be continued.)
Vulnerable, he was  deliberately isolated from other members of his family. In that time, he endured forms of abuse that were passive, psychological, and emotional in nature. Due to his experiences, he was unable to cope with any stressful situations.  Fully aware he lacked the emotional strength to resist, they pushed forward with their fraudulent plan, for him to transfer his property over to grandchildren and to surrender his legal right to reside there, with the stipulation that he could remain until his death.

Unhappy with his circumstances he walked away from his property, leaving a note saying he would not be returning. When i inquired as to his reasons for leaving, i was subjected to verbal intimidation and abuse! He then went to live with another family member. After a short period of time  he was placed him in a care home, unknown to myself and other family members, then  systematically stole his life savings, disabled war pension benefits, and assets. Last time i saw him at his new address i kissed him and said goodbye and he thanked me for coming to see him! That was the last contact i had with my Father. The last time I attempted to see  i was threatened with assault as was a sister who was manhandled from the property. When did revisit his address  I was denied entry and physically assaulted. (To be continued).
 Picture: A very aggressive person! striding purposely down their pathway towards you, armed with a 3 ft wooden/metal baton above their head, in attack mode, screaming at the top of their voice! " come on then do you want some of this, come on."  Wow!. Another well-planned isolation technique! Fear!

Unexpected, unprepared, hoping my father had not witnessed the altercation and with no alternative i retreated to my car. He then threatened to smash my car window. Not the full story, so as to protect the sensitivity of those  family members close to me. In fact the full episode has never been told ! (tbc) Police eventually came, arrested him and took him away in hand cuffs! Pleaded self defense! Tough guy?  It was the police who later informed me my Father had been moved to a nursing home, when i asked for his new address they withheld it due to the freedom of information act! 

I could have returned to fight my corner but at that time my partner "Wendy" had terminal cancer and needed my full time support. With my emotions not being in a mindful state who knows, the outcome would probably have been tragic!? I could not bear the thought of her suffering alone in Hospital and becoming an innocent victim of my anger. My love for her was far greater than my ego. There was once a time after a divorce when i had virtually nothing of any worth, apart from my character, she had shared all she had with me! and asked for nothing in return. Respect! 
When my father passed away we were not notified of his Death! His Funeral took place without the knowledge of his 4 other children or relatives. I found out of his death by contacting the Birth deaths and marriage register. Not a fitting end for a son, 3 daughters and for a man of his kindness, intelligence and bravery! (to be continued) In all those years we shared together we never once had a disagreement or a cross word. There was what i would describe as, an unspoken mutual Respect!
So i never had the opportunity to say goodbye and pay my respects to my own Father. That was a bitter pill for me to swallow and left me somewhere between a rock and a hard place. Confronting intimidation, violence, theft, fraud, and the tragic conclusion of my father's life has caused me immense stress over an extended period. I instinctively understood that resolving this would be a challenging, complex, and difficult task. Was this my challenge!?

Epiphany. (Moving on!) The Dream, the Counselor, the Image—and their connection. (To be continued)

I found myself overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and anger directed at myself. Seeking to comprehend how and why I mishandled the situation so poorly, and found myself in a no-win situation, one that I couldn't resolve on my own. I decided to speak with a counselor. I wasn't seeking  counseling per-se but rather answers to the aforementioned questions. Was the problem anger management, the inability to think clearly when under stress? Or some other reason i was not aware of ? Nurture/Nature? or the relationship with my Father? like father like son!? (tbc)
 That was a huge step for me to take! laying bare my thoughts  to a perfect stranger! (tbc)  It turned out to be, perhaps, the shortest counseling session in NHS history. Approximately 15 minutes, for which I shall remain eternally grateful, The counselor, Julie, served as the catalyst and pivotal figure in this journey. Without her insights, I would not have been able to write this story.

Her first question put to me was straight to the point, "what`s been happening!"  That took me by surprise, I did not anticipate having to explain my circumstances so promptly, succinctly right from the start.! Her twelve-word reply was an epiphical moment for me; It was the missing piece of the puzzle in this entire journey.It was as though a fog had lifted, my mind became clear, and I grasped the essence of the problem. It`s 1967, the last day of school, i picture myself outside those school gates looking back at that solid, cold, emotionless building, giving it a double "Harvey Smith!?" Then! the sudden realization i was on the wrong side of those gates! there was no way back into Academia! i was literally out on my ear. Did my fathers visit to the school that day, 6 weeks prior to my leaving, determine my destiny? (tbc)

That eleven word reply completely changed my  mind set. She had somehow knowingly or unknowingly recognized something that was hidden from me, lying dormant for all those years. The piece of the puzzle started to full into place.! (tbc) I knew in those first few minutes, the search/talking  for me was now unnecessary. In that short period of time she had found the answer i was searching for. I never mentioned it to her then  and i have not revealed it to her or anyone since. Reminds me of the lyric from my favorite song of the 1960`s. "I was alone i took a ride, i didn`t know what i would find there, another road where maybe i could see another kind of mind there?" (Got to get you into my life." Lennon and McCartney: 1966.) It appears she arrived at precisely the right moment, a perfect example of synchronicity, perhaps even an epiphany.

Well, I rediscovered it that day; it had never truly left me but was always lurking in the shadows of my subconscious. It was`nt that sense of Joy, Religion or that i had fallen for my counselor, intelligent and attractive as she was! nor that i was a closet gay or any mind altering substances, in fact i had never indulged, I gave up alcohol and smoking 25 years ago; now, it's been 37 years and counting! It was a Paradox! both simple, yet complex at the same time? (tbc) It was the missing piece of the Jigsaw. An awakening! a wake up call!? I will explain this at a later time in the full manuscript of the book. "A born again Intellectual." It appears now, all the pieces of the Jigsaw are in their rightful place and i have come full circle. It`s been a bumpy ride! 

                                                            Challenge`s

During one session, I shared with her a life changing dream I had.. (tbc). Mystical, Non duality. Paradoxically, nothing and everything existed simultaneously. Was it a glimpse of the  final frontier? She advised me to write them down.The dream guided me to the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung and his exploration of synchronicity, setting the stage for the journey that lay ahead.

 It was a few years after our meeting that i decided i needed a challenge. :Climb Everest, sail single handed around the world, trek solo to the north pole? Mmm!
 I began thinking about challenges and then comparing two distinct  types: Freedom of choice! and No choice?

Freedom of choice! (Personal/Ego trips.)

Known risk, risk assessment, and perhaps a certain degree of selfishness!? Planning, training, specialized equipment, diet plan,  known destination, start date, expected finish date. Back up. Cancel at any time. If successful, personal satisfaction, recognition, fame, high self esteem ! book to write! If unsuccessful, try again, if they failed at the last hurdle, at least they died doing what they loved/enjoyed doing!? 

No choice!  (The March.)

Poland, January. 21. 1945.
A Minutes notice to move out. Walk, or get shot, (murdered!) or die through neglect and many did!
No risk assessment, no training, no special equipment, no back up, not knowing their destination or when it would end. 2 days, 2 weeks, 6 weeks, 2 months, almost 3 months, (82 days) walking, just trying to survive.. If you survived, no medals, no rewards, no recognition, low self esteem, no one interested or qualified to help, PTSD, early days. No book to write, until now! 

Are life's toughest challenges those personal, individual ones when there is no choice? Apart from that free, get you out of jail card!? Many thousands young and old, make that choice every year! It may seem cynical, but it was a thought provoking comparison? (tbc) Was the march out of Poland on the 21 Jan 1945, with the duration and conditions imposed on those brave soldiers, one of the most brutal, toughest, challenges in recent History!? I rest my case. 

This made me think of other people that have endured extremely difficult or traumatic experiences, such as loosing loved ones due to War, Murder, Suicide  or other tragic circumstances. Some  unable to move on from their situation even decades later. (tbc.) I pondered what it was they had lost or deprived themselves of and what it was they needed to rediscover. (tbc) Is it that sense of Joy! in all it`s forms. Inner Peace, feeling connected to yourself other people, places, animals, nature, experiencing something beautiful, or amazing or finding a cause. Perhaps this story can offer others a new perspective on reality and allow them to move on and enjoy life once more. After all when all is said and done "It`s just a ride!" (tbc)

Sigmund Fraud said "all family life is organised around the most damaged person in it". Having Researched my fathers history and identifying what he and other soldiers endured during those years of extreme prolonged stress, it has become clear to me now what shaped him into the man he became and how it impacted on myself and our family life.(tbc.) Was I nurturing feelings of anger and resentment because he never confided in me? Indeed, the primary goal of the research was to gain a deeper understanding of him. I feel that I have now achieved that goal. Based on my conversations with him, I've come to believe that what he was seeking was genuine, true understanding. I think that in itself would have been enough to satisfy him. Unfortunately—? (To be continued)

I set myself the challenge of writing an iconic book and capturing an iconic photograph to encapsulate the past, present, and future. The book I chose delves into my father's wartime experiences and the profound effects they had on his life, which has also helped me to comprehend my own strengths and weaknesses.
 I possessed a large-format 4x5 perspective control camera and all the required gear, but despite my years of experience, I found myself lacking inspiration for a new photograph. It was only much later that I recalled a simple photograph I had captured at my home in the Lincolnshire Fens back in 2017— "The Footprint."

The Future. (Fast forward to 2024)
 

(Intelligent Design!)

Third (Photo)Image. Perfectly formed wet foot prints. It seems that both feet are turned outwards with no water droplets around the prints, and no lead in or out footprints. It's as if they landed perfectly flat and then disappeared. Bare feet, some type of shoe, or something else? Logically, one might assume that the prints were made by individuals with a certain height and weight, given the impressions they left behind. However logic and reasoning alone would not reveal there true origin.

 " No, no, You are not thinking you are just being logical" etc. (Neils Bohr, Danish Physicist, Philosopher. 1888-1966.) Understanding the full nature of reality cannot be achieved through a singular approach. A more holistic method of scientific inquiry is necessary—one that harmonizes logic with imagination and intuition.

 What can be stated with certainty is that they have entered the rooms in a manner that is currently beyond our understanding and they were not in a human form as we recognize it. The footprints may be interpreted as evidence of an intelligent mind/designer, manifesting through patterns of synchronicity and moments of epiphany.

"Having studied the atom i am telling you that there is no matter as such. All matter originates and exists only by virtue a force that brings the particles of an atom to  vibration and  holds this minute Solar System of the Atom together. We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent mind. The mind is the Matrix of all matter!" Max Planck. German Theoretical Physicist. (1858 -1947.)

 Initiating contact and communicating with extraterrestrial beings would involve overcoming immense challenges, including recognizing and interpreting their intelligence and formulating a mode of communication that transcends our conceptual systems. It would require a multidisciplinary approach, combining astrophysics, psychology, linguistics, and technology to bridge the vast knowledge gap that would likely exist between us and them. 

"It is my opinion that everything must be based on a simple idea. And it is my opinion that this idea, once we have discovered it, will be so compelling so beautiful that we will say to one  another, how could it have been any different!" John Archibald Wheeler. American Theoretical Physicist. ( 1911- 2008.) 

Perhaps it is time to change our method of thinking, create new ideas and start to design/build a new model that will eventually make the old model obsolete and progress into a new Era.. ( R.Buckminster Fuller.) (Neils Bohr.) (Bill Hicks.?) The Footprints could serve as an excellent starting point. But are we at risk of evolving into "Intellectual Dinosaurs?" The moment we relinquish our intuition, imagination, and independent thinking, we might just be tiptoeing silently towards a dystopian future. The realization that we are not alone in the universe and that others unknown to us exist, it is more than likely to unite us rather than alienate us!? Pun not intended?

"Once we have surrendered our senses and nervous systems to the private manipulations of those who would try and benefit from taking a lease on our eyes and ears and nerves, we don`t really have any rights left. Leasing our our eyes and ears and nerves to commercial interest is like handing over the common speech to a private corporation, like giving the earths atmosphere to a company as a monopoly" Marshall Mcluhan. Canadian Philosopher. (21/7/1911-31/12/1980.) 

Community. www.synchrocity.1.co.uk  ("A blue print for a new model?") "How the many can influence the Few!?" Shoosh!? you know WHO? WEF?

A platform for open minded, progresive thinking people to suggest, discuss, develop and implement new ideas, culminating in a new workable vision for Villages,Towns and Cities? The most beneficial, workable! ideas would emerge through a process of natural selection! a sort of intellectual Darwinism? "The survival of the smartest!" Other villages, towns and cities might follow suit, challenging the prevailing narrative and status quo, thereby initiating that much needed balance towards "local and global" decision-making. Rejecting the traditional political spectrum of left, center, and right. One might recall Albert Einstein's definition of insanity: Repeating the same thing  over and over again and expecting different results!

Whoever you are, where ever you are, whatever your background, circumstances, persuasion or belief system!? thank you for this opportunity! to share this story with you!

Non mihi, non tibi, sed nobis. (Not for me, not for you, but for us.)  Old school motto!
Email: jameskingston1@yahoo.com